I feel alone.
Are my hands sweating?
They’re never going to go for my request.
I wish I would have brought someone with me.
I want to vomit.
Let’s just get this over with!
This was me in some of my son’s first IEP meetings in preschool, but it really could be anyone. I have friends who text me before going into their child’s IEP meeting and the commentary is the same. Fear and loathing!
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I’ve never been a very confrontational person. I want everyone to just get along. To this day I still sometimes shake my head “yes” to decisions made in my own son’s IEP meetings, while inside I’m thinking “This doesn’t sound right!” Then I get home and I realize “it’s not right!”…then I really freak out. My husband gets the brunt of this freak out session. Poor guy! I mean, I really go bonkers. Then I get angry.
I was sick of feeling this way, which is one reason I decided to complete the Council of Parent Attorneys and Advocates year-long Special Education Training. I knew I was supposed to be an equal member of the IEP team, but always felt like the school personnel had the upper hand. They’re in charge of the evaluations, the initial draft, and they ran the meeting.
The COPAA SEAT course gave me the legal expertise to know that it didn’t have to be this way. If I disagree with the school’s evaluation, I can request an independent educational evaluation (IEE) at school expense. I could offer my own “draft” of the IEP with my ideas for present levels, IEP goals, and accommodations. I could ask for a draft before the meeting. I could also provide my own agenda for the meeting. And the IEP document can ALWAYS be changed, even after the meeting.
All of this went a long way in quelling some of my fears, but that emotional charge of walking into your own child’s IEP meeting never quite goes away. That’s why I started speaking about my fears for my son.
You’ve probably heard of “speaking truth to power,” or a non-violent way of fighting back against corrupt governments. This is similar, even if the school is well-meaning and not corrupt. It may seem counterintuitive, but speaking your fears can actually expose what may be wrong or challenging about your child’s situation in a real and authentic way. Get it out and be done with those fears. What are your fears for your child? SAY THEM OUT LOUD! WRITE THEM DOWN!
Read Related Post: Advocate Like a Mother
I fear my son will be mistreated and I will never know, because he can’t tell me.
I fear my son will be separated from his twin brother and other peers, because he has a cognitive disability.
I fear that he will be left in a general education classroom without the supports he needs.
I fear that behaviors that are a manifestation of his disability will be used to segregate him.
I fear, I fear, I fear!
SAY IT OUT LOUD! WRITE IT DOWN!
Then, here’s the clincher…..
Say them to the IEP team. I know!!! It’s super scary, but it’s also revolutionary!!! If you’re like the old me you can also just write them down and present them in an agenda at the meeting. Speaking our fears is one of the most powerful ways to overcome them; to ensure our worst fears for our children never happen. Instead, solutions to your fears take center stage at the IEP table.
Most teachers and principals are in education for the right reasons. They really care about our kids. They want what’s best for them. If we speak our fears to them it really sets the stage for an open relationship that’s focused on what’s best for the child. Sometimes being vulnerable, speaking your fears, is the most powerful tactic you can take!
All that you wrote and…
-are they willing to learn UDL for Inclusion so that my son can take part in the same lessons in the regular classroom with his classmates
-does anyone care that his sister desperately wants the opportunity to be in the same classroom he is in?
– do they see him as a real person with real dreams and real goals, and especially real pain from being excluded, yes he knows, or is he just a project to be fixed,always seen as lesser than.
– when will he be good enough to be fully included in math and English language arts? What are the requirements because he keeps missing out on more and more and more as his education days dwindle?
– why do doctors follow the research ,but all the research on the effects of segregated rooms on children with intellectual disabilities are ignored?
– how is my son suppose to live and work and play in society if he has to go to a restrictive environment in school?
– what are you teaching the other children about my son when you make him leave?
-do you see his peers as his best supports?
– when is he suppose to learn all that he has missed?
– do you know that you hold the key to either denying him an education (by continuing to do low level decoding and counting in segregated room) or giving him opportunity to a bright future ( by allowing him to learn what he can, just like other students, in the general education for english and math)
-do you know that he wants to be in included all day with modifications to his work?
– do you know that many people with down syndrome have been fully included k-12, and they had the same iq and functional baselines as other 4 years aith down syndrome…and the children who were included in school had better outcomes academically, socially,and behaviorally.
-do you know that inclusive education is the morally and ethically right thing to do?
Thanks for sharing your fears Christin